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It's the same thing that's been on my mind for...shit, I can't even say how long. I'm in love with Jocelyn. Tonight, after ten hours spending time together, I drove her home. Last week, when she didn't want to spend the night, I got freaked out. She has changed her mind about wanting to be in a relationship with me a couple of times in just two months, so I'd be lying if I said I'm afraid that that might happen again. I know better than anyone that feelings can change. Feelings can run as strong as the most aggressive river currents, but can just as quickly fade into nothing more than a murky pond of hard-to-reclaim memories.

So yeah, I'm fucking scared. But every time I see her, she kisses me on the forehead in a way that truly makes me feel like there's nothing to be afraid of. And every time she tells me loves me, I believe her more and more. So tonight, when she wanted to sleep her in own bed, I was more than happy to oblige. Because we're really starting to create a strong bedrock of trust as romantic partners. At least, that's how it seems.

We listened to Phoebe Bridgers on the ride home. Her dreamy yet angsty songs seemed to be written just for us on this very night. Her song "You Missed My Heart" was the perfect backdrop for the last five minute stretch of the ride from Waltham to Belmont. We held eachother for fifteen minutes and made out for what seemed like forever. As she went to leave, she turned back and kissed me again.

It was a beautiful ending to a wonderful day. If she stayed the night, it wouldn't have ended so perfectly.